Welcome to the Brilliant Fertility Podcast. I'm your host, dr Katie Rose, and this podcast exists to help illuminate the path ahead of you. With expert interviews, clinical pearls and real client success stories, my intention is to bring you hope for what's possible on this journey and to give you tools and resources to navigate the ups and downs on the road before you. If you find this podcast helpful, don't forget to subscribe on your favorite listening platform. And I have a big request If you have a minute, can you leave us a five-star review and let us know what did you learn? What did you come away with? Did you leave with that spark of hope? This helps more people like you find the podcast. My mission is to support as many humans as possible on their path to become parents, and by you sharing and subscribing, you're part of that mission too, and I'm so grateful for you for being here here. Welcome back to the Brilliant Fertility Podcast.

Today we're talking about habits, our continuation of this conversation. Last episode we talked about how there are some potentially not so great habits that could be sabotaging your fertility, and I don't love that word, honestly, because I think I know. I know for a fact after years of studying the unconscious mind and hypnosis that we're always doing our best with what we can. And yes, it may feel like sometimes we are sabotaging a situation, but I actually don't love the energy behind that word because I feel like it just adds to another layer of feeling like, oh my God, I'm doing something wrong, I'm failing, and that's not helpful energy when it comes to making positive change, when it comes to opening ourselves up, to receiving and conceiving. So let's dive in into the habit conversation. All of us, I'm sure, have some habits that are maybe a little bit questionable, and I want to really emphasize that habits aren't just our actions. Habits can also be like some shortcuts that our brain creates to conserve energy. It can be thoughts which have become habitual, it can be ways of being that have emerged out of an adaptive strategy that maybe at one time served us really well, and these patterns come from our nervous system and our unconscious mind trying to keep us safe.

I want to reassure you that bad habits are not due to lack of willpower or laziness. So if you've ever called yourself lazy, I want to call you back in to a self-trust and knowing that you are always doing the best you can and that you are not lazy. Why are these habits important, though? Why is it important to look at our actions, our thoughts and our ways of being as habit? Well, part of it is that we're not always very conscious of our habits. If you recall, back in the last episode and I talked about my wild energy crash and, honestly, for like two weeks afterwards I had to be so mindful of my habits, and that was helpful for me to have that reminder to be like hey, this is why we do things the way we do, this is why we eat a solid breakfast, this is why we don't overindulge in caffeine.

So, sometimes, how our body might be responding physically with hormonal symptoms like PMS, with headaches or migraines, with irregular cycles, with unexplained fertility struggles, sometimes we can look at our habits and see where there's opportunity for change and, yes, I do believe that humans are capable of positive change. I see it every day and why these habits matter for fertility. Well, these small, consistent habits, they can actually have a huge impact. Habits create predictability. Predictability reduces stress. Reduced stress supports a reproductive function, and I would argue that, especially in the two-week wait and other higher stress phases of a fertility journey, like higher stress phases of a fertility journey, for example, like the period of time going through IVF stimulation leading up to retrieval, the two-week wait for any cycle, whether it's unmedicated or medicated transfer cycle any of these times where we tend to have high stress, we're going to fall back on habits. So when we can create positive habits that really nourish us, we're likely going to see better results in the long run.

So if you've ever struggled to create a new habit or create good habits, I want to reassure you again that, like you're not lazy, it's not for lack of willpower. There are a lot of common barriers to building new habits and none of those are your fault. So let's cover some of these common barriers. Number one is all or nothing thinking, believing that if you don't do it perfectly, it's not worth doing. Give yourself a little like check mark if you have succumbed to that thinking before that black or white, all or nothing. It's one of the reasons that so many people fall off of the habit, because you know they get to the end of a week and they're like, oh my God, I only did it three times, so I just I'm failing, I'm not going to do it at all. Number two is having unrealistic expectations. So if you set a habit goal, that's like too big, too fast, saying you know, if you haven't worked out in a year and you're like, okay, starting Monday, I'm going to work out an hour every single day, that's a pretty big jump and it can really set you up for feeling like you failed. If something occurs and you can only make it for 20 minutes or you have to skip one day because someone in your family has an emergency, like that kind of perpetuates the all or nothing thinking.

Number three this is one that might be the most important and not talked about when it comes to creating and sustaining habits is lack of emotional safety. So the nervous system will resist change when it feels unsafe, and this is really common. When we are in any situation that has uncertainty, we're going to fall back on those old coping mechanisms, these old thoughts and ideas that have kept us in a certain pattern for a long time, and I see this in entrepreneurship as well. Thankfully, I've created a great support network for myself, and I think that's really important for people who are in any phase of uncertainty of life, whether it's infertility, whether it's another health struggle, whether it's grieving a loss when we surround ourselves with other people who are creating good habits and up leveling their ideas and beliefs about themselves. It allows us to see what's possible too. It allows our nervous system to see like, oh okay, like they've been able to do this, I'm safe to do this as well.

Another feature so this would be number four of common barriers to building new habits is guilt and shame loops. So when we do fall off of this new habit and we feel bad, we feel bad about falling back into our old patterns, and that tends to create a bit of a shame spiral and then we get stuck. And then we get stuck and, interestingly enough, at a conference I just attended recently, we talked about emotions and shame and how shame really affects becomes even heavier and stickier when we are in the muck and we're not sharing it and and we allow ourselves to continue brooding in it, and it's actually one of the lowest frequency vibrations of the emotions and it and if you've ever thought of a time when you didn't stick with something and you are like, oh yeah, I can feel what that feels like and it doesn't feel good. Sometimes all it takes is telling someone else like, hey, I said I was going to do this for 30 days. I didn't do it. I'm feeling pretty shitty about myself about this. If you've ever been through something like that like just starting to open up about it, it just brings that energy up a bit and reminds you that we're all human and none of us are alone.

So how do we actually create habits that stick? And we're going to keep these small because, honestly, that's one of the ways that we can create habits that stick is by choosing small habits, instead of saying I'm going to meditate for an hour every single day. What if you started with two minutes of breath work every day? We all have two minutes a day and you can set little reminders on your phone to do that. You can set timers or include apps on your phone that stop you from scrolling, because, gosh, isn't that one of the bad habits that many of us have gotten into now that we have just access to so much in our palms 24 seven in our palms, 24 seven. So start small. Start with two minutes of something 10 minutes of yoga, two minutes of breath work when can you fit those in? And then stack habits. So attach your habits to something that you already do.

Brushing teeth is such a great example because, hopefully, most of you are brushing your teeth every single day, twice a day. So what can you stack onto that? That would take 30 seconds. Can you commit to gargling and, you know, tonify that vagal nerve. Can you commit to doing some mirror work, which I would do as like looking at my own eyes in the mirror and repeating some affirmations? We can have a whole episode all about affirmations and how to make those more effective. Maybe you take three nice breaths after you brush your teeth. How can you stack something small into your day that you're already doing?

Another way that you can create habits that stick is by making it visible. So have a journal that you're tracking it in. Have a sticky note that's up on your mirror that says breathe, so that you have that reminder when you brush your teeth. Or download an app so that your brain can see the success and celebrate the little wins. As you can check that off every day, it'll give you a little dopamine hit. And that leads us to our next piece of creating habits that stick is celebrate your wins.

For those of us who have the all or nothing type A perfectionist thinking, I'm guilty of this, but I am not great or have not historically been great about celebrating my wins. If it wasn't done perfectly, if it wasn't done enough, then it's like my brain's like, no, that didn't exist, cause you didn't, you didn't do it to the level that I expected of you, and that's just not fair. It's just not fair and our brain and our nervous system thrives off of that recognition and that celebration. So every time you do the thing and you can give yourself a little high five or pat on the back or just say, ooh, I did it, like honestly, saying that out loud, I did it. That creates a new neural network in the brain, because how often have you thought to yourself like, oh, my God, I don't know how I'm going to do it all, and that pathway gets really stuck. That thought becomes habitual. So these little things, little celebrations, create a new habit all of itself.

And the last piece that I want to address when it comes to creating a habit that sticks is prioritizing your identity over the outcome. So, instead of really attaching yourself to this outcome of, I want to meditate every single day yourself to this outcome of I want to meditate every single day you attach an identity of. I am someone who nourishes my nervous system. I am someone who is learning how to create these habits that benefit my mind and my body and my soul. That I am statement that we can attach gives us that sense of identity that impacts the root and the sacral chakras in a way that just begins to align our habits with our identity.

And this identity piece I know I've discussed it, you know, at length, in our virtual fertility retreats, but it really is one of the core principles of the work that I do, especially in anything that involves a transformation right and a transformation we're really just looking at. You know, if you have been feeling stuck and down and you just have these repeated thoughts of like I can't do it and I'm not worthy of this, what would that look like? To believe in yourself, to have that mental and emotional energy that allows you to say, like I'm already doing it, I'm enough. That's one piece of that transformation and when it comes to the fertility picture at large, I would love for everyone to be able to adopt the belief in the identity that you are fertile already, no matter what has happened in your story so far, that you can look towards that identity as something worthy of moving towards and knowing that there is a level of commitment, of discipline that will be involved when it comes towards moving to that.

A question that I will often include in my work and helping people create better habits and even just making those small day-to-day decisions that can make a big difference, is asking if I were already this version of myself, if I were already the most fertile version of myself, if I already believed that my body was capable of conceiving and carrying a pregnancy to term, how would I be showing up in this situation? What decision would I be making? And sometimes that that really gives us a lot of permission to do what we really need to do versus, like, what we ego-wise think we should do. And if you slip up, it's not a failure, right. So, bringing some compassion into this, some self-compassion when a habit doesn't stick right away, so slipping up isn't failure, it's simply a form of feedback to say, hey, like, what resource do you need for this habit to actually stick? Or is this a habit that you actually need? Cause I think sometimes we make assumptions that there's something that's quote unquote healthy and we're going to adopt that because it's good for us, but, like, is it really what we need? So really allow yourself that compassion in and that feedback to discover what you as an individual need. And every time you return to the habit you strengthen that pathway. So the return is part of the practice and that's worth celebrating.

The fertility journey already carries so much pressure, so habits should be a tool of support, not another thing that you just have to get perfectly and do it right or else you're a failure right. So learn some compassion, treat yourself as you might treat your best friend or as you would imagine treating your future child who might be struggling with a habit, and remember that every time you return to the habit you strengthen that pathway and that just the returning to the habit is part of the practice. So what could be some examples of a fertility supporting habit In the morning, journaling some gratitudes, doing some gentle yoga stretches, drinking water and getting some protein in before you have your coffee? Again, these are all just suggestions and I by no means want you to end up with like a list of 20 to-dos. This is merely a suggestion of like what does your body requirement for nervous system safety or physical nourishment and, beyond that, emotional processing and soul level alignment? So what about habits for stress relief? Me doing meditation, breath work, acupressure points or taking a daily walk? And how about with nutrition? You guys probably know at this point I am a stickler about protein. But where can you make some little adjustments to your daily nutrition to get more antioxidants, to get more fiber, to get enough protein, to get more fiber, to get enough protein?

And the last one I'm going to cover, last group of habits that I'm going to cover is maybe the most important for the fertility journey or any phase of life that involves uncertainty, pressure or the potential of feeling isolated or the potential of feeling isolated. These are connection habits. So, talking to a partner, joining a supportive group, being with like-minded people, talking to supportive people who can be there for you we humans are not meant to be in isolation. We're not meant to go through things alone. And when we can hold spaceiceless and helpful to be able to talk it out or even just be in space with someone who has your back. So a little gentle encouragement, remembering that you are not lazy.

It is not for lack of willpower that you've not been able to maintain healthy habits.

What does your nervous system require for safety and what coping mechanisms came into play that became habits that it might be time to release or nourish or become aware of that.

You can now become a different version of Habits. Don't have to be perfect to be powerful, so I invite you to pick just one tiny, compassionate habit this week that would support you on this journey, and let me know what it is when you listen to this episode. Shoot me a DM on Instagram or send me an email at info at brilliantfertility, and just let me know what habit you've decided to choose this week that will nourish you and just start small. Let me celebrate that with you. I would love to just stay in contact with all of you who are incorporating these little powerful habits every day and, should you feel called to go deeper into this work with me, you can scroll down to the show notes. I'm linking the discovery call there, as I will be taking a couple of new clients this fall for transforming this fertility journey, incorporating new healthy habits or up-leveling current habits so that you can live the life that you have dreamed of. Thank you, as always, so much for listening, and I hope that you have a very useful transformation into these new habits.